From strangers to strangers
Did you ever think about that your current girlfriend or boyfriend lived their life happily before meeting you? They went to school, had their first crush on someone or travelled around the world.
The majority of people will start dating at some point in their life. And the first experiences we make are usually not the ones we build our life around, marry or have children with.
Current so-called date coaches treat relationships as opportunities to collect experiences and when things don't work out we skip to the next opportunity. While this is a concept that typically works out in finding a long-term partner it misses one important crucial aspect.
Yesterday I overheard a woman talking about her husband, who she was married to for 67 years. When they first met 67 years ago they started from strangers and when he died from Parkinson they turned into just that.
Don't get me wrong. They are definitely no strangers when it comes to knowing and understanding each other, but if we look at their relationship as a life path, then the paths separate again because one of them has ended. Just as they were brought together 67 years ago.
This is not a motivational speech to forgive your partner for cheating or to stay in a toxic relationship. Rather, it's about realizing that every relationship we have in the course of our lives starts with a stranger and ends in being strangers again, and it's forever embedded into our life's history.
Does this change anything?
We have the option of ending a relationship at any time and continuing our lives separately as strangers. This has the great advantage that we can simply leave bad experiences behind us. However, it also has the great danger that we leave a very good relationship behind for whatever reason and become strangers.
Since we will become strangers again in any case, we should make the time in between with this non-stranger so unique and unforgettable that we can look back in 67 years. And be sure that we did not let this fear of becoming strangers again come true not only for us, but also for our partner. At least until a higher power intervenes.
A happy relationship is one in which both people have accepted that separation and becoming a stranger is such an incredibly powerful decision that it is worthwhile for the right person to continue.
But how do you recognize the “right” person you might ask?
